Goodbye, 2017, and Thank you!

At the end of every year, like so many other folks around the world, I make it a point to look back and take stock of the happenings, the lessons, and the joys of that year. This usually happens around my birthday, which was last week, but this year, I waited until the last week of the year. I hesitated to write anything public, but, as ever, I hope to be an inspiration to someone by sharing my own story. Besides, parts of this journey have been made public here this year, so I feel it important to share the rest of it.

At the beginning of the year, I made a list of intentions, something I had never done before. Along with my usual habit of setting a Word of the Year, and a newer habit of reviewing my Core Desired Feelings (from the book The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte), I was really pleased with how it worked for me to actually write a list of intentions based around how I wanted to feel during the year, as well as what I hoped to accomplish.

Getting a new job and moving house were top of the list for 2017, and prospects were good, numerologically speaking. 2017 has been a 1 Universal year, signifying beginnings and planting seeds, and a 6 Personal year for me, signifying a focus on relationships, friendships, home, and one’s sense of belonging.

In February, I started a new job. It wasn’t the job I thought I wanted…I also interviewed for a job at the library at the same time, and man, did I think I wanted that one! I mean, it’s the LIBRARY! But, in each interview, I paid special attention to the environment and people I would be working with. Many of you know that my spirituality is one of the most important aspects of life to me, and Reiki is a huge part of that.  When I interviewed at each place, I mentioned Reiki to see what the response would be. In one interview, the interviewers seemed interested and wanted to know more. In the other, while the interviewers didn’t physically roll their eyes, I could feel the energetic eye-roll. And that’s how I ended up in my current position at a company that doesn’t seem as glamorous to me as the library, but my department is filled with 5 beautiful new friends! It is an exceptional work environment. Best of all, each has some level of interest in the spiritual aspects of life, and I even taught one coworker/friend how to access the Akashic Records and attuned her to Level 1 Reiki!! This job allows me to bring my spiritual practices to work, and that is more important to me than just about anything else. My gratitude for this place is deep and powerful.

The new job led to increased income, which meant that we could start to look for a new place to live. I had long loved my friend, Laura’s house in Goshen, just one street over from our apartment. I knew she and her husband would be moving soon, but I believed there was no way we could rent their house, due to the landlord’s very strict no-pet policy. At the beginning of this year, we had three cats: Maggie, Ellie, and Sasha, and we were not looking to re-home them. But early in the year, I believe it was March, Laura texted me and said that her landlord might consider pet-owners who also loved the huge, gorgeous garden she had created. I was over the moon!! I had reworked our budget numerous times to be sure I understood how much money we could spend on a new place, and I knew this one was in our budget. It also perfectly matched the list I had written the previous year of what I wanted in a new home. (Even down to the bathtub…which our new house did not have until we shifted timelines. In a previous conversation with Laura, we had talked about how much we missed baths because neither of us had a bathtub in our homes. But, when the house became available, it suddenly had a bathtub! I was incredibly grateful, as that was one of my non-negotiables for a new house!)

Making the move from an approximately 650 sq ft apartment that was created by chopping up the interior of a beautiful old home to our new home, which is easily double that and shared with no one but our kitties, was an emotional and spiritual journey, as well as a physical one. I had chosen the word Receive at the beginning of 2017 for my word of the year, and it was such a challenge to learn to embody that! Many of you will remember the post I wrote called Healing My Memories of Home, in which I shared about the places I grew up and what it would mean to me to move into this beautiful house.  Laura shared that post on her blog, too, and so many of her readers commented with encouraging words, and several sent donations! I was so blown away by their generous spirits, but I really struggled with that Receiving energy. It was very hard for me to just accept the gifts and loans with an open heart. My first instinct, in fact, was to refuse the gifts! Silly me…I was getting just what I asked for! That took a lot of working through in conversation with my husband, Laura, and my Guides. I can say that, while it is easier, I have chosen for 2018 a word that also holds the energy of Receiving so that I can continue to work on embodying that energy.

 

jason in the old apt on moving day

Jason in the living room of the old place on Moving Day

 

 

kitchen at the old place

Partial view of the kitchen of the old place, including the back door, which was our main entry point. The doorway to the bathroom is on the other side of the fridge.

double rainbow on moving day

Rainbow spotted on the day of our move, letting me know all is well! You can just see a second rainbow above the first!

After months of shifting enormous amounts of energy, we finally moved into our new home on July 1! We have been here for 6 months, and it is so much more than I ever imagined I could find or feel in a home. There is such a sense of sanctuary here. The garden, of course, help to create that, and the garden is what I thought would help move the most energy in me. And while it certainly has deeply affected me, the house itself has had the most profound effect so far. Living in it is like being perpetually soaked in a drawing salve. It pulls up to the surface old junk that needs to be released to make room for new energy. Jason is getting the brunt of that effect in the physical realm right now. Two weeks before we moved in, he hurt his knee, and has not yet healed from that. He has been all but confined to the house since we moved in. The way it is working in me is less tangible, but no less real. Abilities, interests, and talents that had been barely a whisper in the back of mind before we moved have come roaring to the forefront since the move. My emotions have been more accessible, although the chaos of that part of me opening up has been hard to bear, some days. I find it hard to process, let alone articulate the level of consciousness that has opened up for both of us since moving here. Just last night, Jason and I were talking about how we feel as though living in this house has accelerated all the growth we had begun before moving here, and is rapidly propelling us into a new life that we had previously not quite dared to imagine. I can’t overstate how powerful this new home has been in our lives. It is not just a sanctuary, it is an incubator, a cleansing retreat, and a sacred grove, all rolled into one building and grounds.

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Front door of the new place, complete with lush garden path ❤ 

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The kitchen area of the new place. What a difference!

The other major intention I set for 2017 was to grow my business and my blog. The blog went from 37 followers in January to 68 as of yesterday.  A modest amount of growth, to be sure, but strong encouragement for me to continue! The business is trickier. There are so many underlying issues for me around wealth, making a living in a non-traditional way, my own sense of worthiness, and what my purpose is in the world and how to best express it. Outwardly, there has not been much growth. Oh, but inwardly!

I picture it like this: my beliefs around money are like a plant with extremely deep, hardy roots. Long, thick tap roots that suck the life out of all other surrounding plants. For many years, I have hacked at these roots, chopping them off at what I thought was the very bottom of the tenacious things. But they always grew back because I wasn’t really getting to the bottom. I wasn’t getting the whole root. There were rocks that had to be pulled out first, there were scorpions and snakes that stung and bit, and finally, there was me pulling with all my might on the upper part of the root, where it would break off and I would have to start all over. 2017 has been a year of learning how to get all the root out. I am addressing my sense of unworthiness from a different angle, gently, with patience and love. I am releasing childhood money mantras that I never chose and replacing them with ones I do choose, that serve me and help me remember that my Universe is loving and supportive.  I am patiently, playfully digging around the root, gently lifting out the dirt on all sides, removing rocks, encouraging snakes and scorpions to move on to better homes, exposing it all to the purifying power of the Sun and the gentle healing of the Moon. So, while outwardly, not much is happening, and, indeed, what is happening can look confusing, haphazard, or unstable, inwardly, mountains are being moved a teaspoonful at a time.

Those were the main foci for me of 2017. I wrote a list of things I accomplished this year before I went to work on intentions for 2018, and I was impressed with myself! I deeply encourage you to make a list of all the things you did this year, too! Celebrating our accomplishments is highly underrated!

Turning toward 2018,  I mentioned choosing a new word that also embodies the energy of Receive from last year. This year’s word is Breathe. The mantra that I will use with it is: Breathe in to Receive, Breathe out to Release.  I want to embody that cycle of giving and receiving, bringing in and letting go. I have also chosen some new Core Desired Feelings for the year: Connected (held over from previously), Clear, Aligned, Creative, Playful, and Sexy. Powerful almost made the list, but I felt the others more accurately captured what I am going for.

My intentions for this year center in large part around my work in the world. I hope to begin to create a solid foundation for a business of my own that enables me to teach what I know, share what I’ve learned, and help others see themselves more clearly and lovingly. I intend this to manifest as classes, both in person and online, and private sessions of Reiki healing, Akashic Records work, and intuitive counseling, but I have learned to simply follow where my intuition goes, so it may end up looking quite different.

My other major intentions revolve around my physical health. I intend to be as clear a channel for Life or Source energy as I can be, and that means some changes to the way I live and treat my physical body. I have lived my whole life 90% in my head, and the process of drawing that energy down into the rest of my chakras and my physical body feels like a challenging new journey, but one which I am eager to undertake.

2018 feels like a good time to focus on these things. The numerology, which I have just begun to look into, seems fortuitous and exciting. I am in a great place to begin from, and I have tons of supportive and understanding friends, both physical and non-physical. In this last week of 2017-a VERY good year!- I feel hopeful, peaceful, joyful, and grateful. I am ready to go on to the next round, and I thank you for joining me on the journey.

With deepest gratitude and love, Happy New Year!
Linette

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Home and Business Transitions

It has been 6 weeks since we moved into our new home, and I still have not processed enough to create a really coherent post on the subject. At some point, I want to share all the synchronicities and happy accidents that surrounded our move, all the energetic uplevelling that took place (and is still taking place!) for me and my husband, and the impact of a couple of significant losses.

I also began working with The Morrigan just before we moved, and she has made it clear to me that one of the things I am required to do under her tutelage is stop hiding and treat my business like the significant entity it is.  I have spent enough time dipping my toe in and backing back out of the business world. It’s time to follow my own advice and uncover my light. So, there will be an official announcement soon regarding the name of the business and my offerings.

Lastly, I wanted to take a moment to thank you all for reading and for supporting me along my journey. My intention for every post is to share my own experiences so that others who are experiencing something similar will know they are not alone.  I hope to offer encouragement, and maybe even some guidance, but at the very least, some reassurance that there is light in the dark, and that some sense of order may be found even in chaos.

 

I will leave you today with this photo from our moving day. It was taken in the parking lot of Wal-Mart, where I had gone to get some necessities for our first night in our beautiful new home. It had rained really hard as I went in, and when I came out, there was this:

double rainbow on moving day

…and I knew everything was, is, and always will be just right.

 

Updates and Kari Samuels’ July Forecast

Good morning, everyone!
I wanted to take a moment and let you all know I haven’t forgotten about you; I have just been busy moving into the beautiful new home so many of you helped make a reality for us. I am working on a post about the whole experience, including the emotional, spiritual, and physical aspects, complete with photos.

Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy the beautiful and knowledgeable Kari Samuels’ July numerological and astrological forecast.

Happy Summer!

Planting Paradise

Sharing this beautiful post from my friend, Laura. Thanks in large part to her and her awesome husband, as well as several other friends, Jason and I will be making this place our home at the end of this month!
To say that this place is a dream come true for us just doesn’t do justice to our journey. I will write more about that once we get settled in to the new place, but for now, I leave you with Laura’s gorgeous photos.

Laura Bruno's Blog

The first summer we lived here — 2013 — this median facing an ugly view required a date with two batteries worth of weed whackers at least three times per week. We’re talking fast growing, out of control weeds on a strip of land with giant holes and rock hard, uneven soil, and an often flooded driveway. It crushed my soul to see this median as we approached our house.

I can barely believe the difference four years makes! This same strip is now a rain garden, bird and butterfly paradise, with serviceberry trees, Robinhood roses, sunflowers, lilies, milkweed, bachelor’s buttons, love in a mist, cosmos, and more. The fragrance alone is worth the trip. Last year, those roses bloomed from late May through the end of November with barely any care. Birds ate the hips this winter and spring.

Don’t ever doubt that you can change the world, one…

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Goodbye to the Old Me

After yesterday’s post and the outpouring of love and support sent my way since I posted it, I have felt a profound shift inside myself. This song came into my head as I was thinking back over the last two years, and especially the last week. So, I wanted to take a moment and honor the woman I have been, the woman who carried my deepest soul so carefully to this new place.

Healing my Memories of Home

old brown trailer

Old trailer like many of those I lived in as a child

I bet many of you lived in a place like this, and you will be able to relate to what I am about to say. My family lived in several places like this; some in trailer parks, some not. But they all shared a smell, especially in the South: cockroach spray. All the places we lived in reeked of the stuff. I can still smell it in my mind. By the time we lived in them in the mid-80s, these places had seen way better days. They often had soft floors around places where water might accumulate, like the toilet, the shower, and the kitchen and bathroom sinks.  In one trailer, we had to be careful not to stand too close to the front of the shower because the floor under it was so weak, a 90 pound 11-year-old might go crashing, naked, through the floor on to the ground below.  In another place we lived, that actually did happen to my mother, and she had the scars on her right calf to prove it until the day she died.

We didn’t always live in trailers. A few times, we lived in apartments, but those proved to be no better. Another place we lived, an upstairs apartment, had one bedroom that was completely unusable because the previous tenant had had dogs who were kept enclosed in it and there was so much calcified dog poop on the floor that you couldn’t walk anywhere in the room without stepping on it. I got the thankless job of ripping it up out of the bright blue carpet and scrubbing the spots with a bucket of hot, soapy water. It never was a room we could use for anything but storage.

In that same apartment, we could not afford to have the hot water turned on. Bath water was heated on the stove in a large roasting pan and poured into the bathtub. I washed my waist-length hair in icy water from the tap in the kitchen.

Why am I telling you this? So you will understand the week I have had.

My husband and I have gradually improved on my experience of home, but I have never felt that I left it entirely behind.  In all the spiritual work I have done, particularly in the last two years, I have moved leaps and bounds beyond the idea that I somehow deserved to be hidden away in unhealthy, ugly places, but my belief has still been put to the test this week.

The home of a very dear friend is coming open for rent in just over a month, and I have loved it from the moment I stepped inside it. There is a magnificent garden attached that she has lovingly, painstakingly restored from a desolate, weed-choked wasteland to an oasis of peace and beauty. I long with everything inside me to take up Guardianship of this place that feels sacred to me. But, I have struggled with finding enough faith in myself  – and in the Universe- to seize the opportunity in front of me.

As I went back and forth this week, breaking myself down and remaking myself into a true believer in my own worthiness, all my old memories of home resurfaced, and I have faced them with as much bravery as I could muster.

I wanted to share these thoughts of home with you today because it feels important to me to acknowledge my struggle, for maybe you have struggled with similar growth along your journey, or are struggling now. We can be the support we need for each other.

As I work my way through this period of intense growth, I also feel within me a rising of something I cannot even name yet. I think it may be an entirely new version of myself. I see her as more fully embodied, able to bring the visions in her head down into the Earth to be made manifest in this 3D realm. I see a woman who feels at home in a place that has firm floors, hot water, sacred spaces, and healthy boundaries.  I see a woman coming fully into her power.

The part of me that is already the woman I see in my mind’s eye believes that I will be living in this beautiful place that feels like home by the middle of July. The part of me that is still hiding, seeking a place that is clean and bright and whole, is terrified that things won’t come together in time, and I will be forever trapped in places like the ones I grew up in.  I hold that child-me in my arms and rock her, whispering that she is safe, she is safe, she is safe.

And as I do, her tears dry, her smile blossoms, and she gets up and runs outside to play in the garden of her dreams.

 

 

Tree Blessing

January 17th is a traditional day for blessing the trees, as I have recently learned.

A little gentle encouragement to begin to wake up, stretch, and look toward the warmer months of growth can never go wrong.

In that spirit, and to bless the trees in my own life tonight, I wrote a short poem that you may feel free to read to the trees in your life.

Tree Blessing
When the Sun rises high in the sky
May your leaves feel the warmth of His regard.
When the Moon appears, regal, in the night
May your soul dance with Her music.
When the rains come and the soil is heavy with life
May your roots find water and nourishment.
When I come before you with my heart full of Love
May you feel it in my arms around you. 
Grow, lovely Tree, vibrant and strong
And spread your strength to your Grove-Mates.
May Sun and Moon, Water, Soil, and Love
Attend you for all of your days. 

Evening Echoes

Alone in the evening, I pause at a sound I love:
I go in search and find you sleeping, snoring gently,
My pillow wrapped in your embrace.
Borne on the breeze of tenderness that wanders our home,
I hear the echoes of a love that sustains me:
There is laughter…yours and mine
Mingled together like tea and honey:
Intimate, entwined, joyful, loving.
Traces of discord…only sometimes:
Misunderstandings, the sounds of two separate souls
Struggling to become more
Intimate, entwined, joyful, loving.
A ribbon of sorrow, shared together
As we face the deaths, tragedies, disappointments of our lives,
And try to remain intimate, entwined, joyful, loving.
And whispers of passion as neither of us has ever known it-
Frightening in its beauty, its ferocity, its innocence and
Always intimate, entwined, joyful, loving.
You stir in your sleep, and the breeze of echoes is disturbed.
I slowly prepare the house for sleep and
Gently replace my pillow still in your embrace
With myself.

(Nov 16, 2004)