Hi, Everybody. Not long ago, I announced that I was re-launching my business under a new name. But, I have a confession to make: I have absolutely no idea what I am doing when it comes to creating a business.
I have made a couple of attempts. I have read mountains of literature, joined Facebook groups dedicated to Spiritual Entrepreneurs, talked endlessly with my husband and a few select friends about my doubts and misgivings, my hopes, and my ultimate dreams. Written pages and pages about what my ideal work day looks like. Visualized until I fall asleep in a stupor of delight at the images in my head. What I have not been able to do is get clients consistently. (Should I even be wanting to “get clients”? If you read enough in those Spiritual Entrepreneur groups, you won’t think so. It’s almost as if getting clients is somehow nefarious and beside the point. It’s really difficult to have the time to help people, though, if you also have to work a 40 hour week and the boss gets to control your hours. What I want is to put out as much helpful material as possible and also be able to help one-on-one those women who need something more personal. It’s what I love and what I am good at. It’s what I have spent most of life learning to do.)
Perhaps this is my year. I like to think so. I have been steadily more and more successful at attracting what I want in almost every other aspect of my life, or else I have accepted that I need to leave it alone for now. Not so with my work life. I feel the perpetual tug toward something beyond my 8-5, working-for-someone-else life. And I feel as though my dream is right around the corner, just waiting for me to notice it.
So, what’s the dream?
Ah, now that’s a good question! Here it is: I dream of lighting the way to joy for women who long for a deeper connection to themselves, their loved ones, and Source. I dream of doing that by teaching them everything I know, giving them every tool I have learned to use in my 25 years of reading, studying, practicing, and living. I long to help them see themselves as beautiful, capable, brilliant, inherently loveable and worthy. I long to see every woman relax into her own true self and strip away every single thing that does not serve her highest good.
The other part of the dream is how I do that, which is the same way I stripped off my own depression and reclaim every day my own sense of loveability and worthiness: through finding and using the tools that are most helpful. For me, those are Reiki, working with the chakra system, meditation, journaling, using crystals, working with my Guides, my Higher Self, and other high vibrational Beings, and through talking with like-minded friends and teachers. I believe those same things can help everyone. I believe I can teach anyone to use them.
Where I get lost and bogged down into utter paralysis is the HOW. What do I do first? Am I just making too big a deal out of the How? Gardening is teaching me to start where I am. Cut down the dead black-eyed susans next to the front door because driving up to my lovely home and seeing their blackened stalks every day makes me sad. So, clip, clip. Harvest tomatoes because they will rot if I don’t. Yummy salsa and tomato topping on beans and rice. Pull out the monster tomato plant because it is shading out my peppers. Out it comes. My current dilemma stems from figuring out how to translate that to my work. Start where I am….Hence, this long and winding blog post, baring my heart and mind to the wide and wise world (wise was actually what came out when I tried to type wide… message there, I suspect.).
You might also ask what makes me so damn qualified to teach anyone anything? Yep, I have asked myself that one. But I have a great answer: What I teach has worked for me; it has worked for my husband; it has worked for friends; it is working still for all of us. And there is more that I know that you don’t yet know: the first time I tried to kill myself, I was 5 years old. in the kitchen, with a big bread knife that had a little hook on the end. That feeling never went away until 2014, when I was 40 years old. When it did, it was because I finally started actively using what I had spent over 20 years learning about. I started doing the work. And, in 3 years, I went from suicidal to full of joy, actively creating a life I want to LIVE, not die to get away from.
Even in my 8-5 day job, I have brought into my life a position where my co-workers are friends and connection with them feeds my soul in ways I never expected. But the work….the work is not what I am meant to be doing. And we’ve circled back around to the current issue.
So, what to do? I know what I would recommend to a client.
1. Get Quiet: pull the plug on technological distractions like Facebook, email, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Disconnect from others so you can more clearly hear yourself.
2. Go Within: whatever your favorite form of meditation is, do that. Do it for as long as you can. Get your mind clear. And to that end…
3. Write: get out a notebook. Write at least 3 pages longhand with an actual pen whatever comes into your mind. DO NOT CENSOR! Write as fast as you can, not stopping until all 3 pages have been filled. Stream-of-consciousness writing pulls out all sorts of things you never knew were in your head.
4. If some kind of clarity is still not coming through by this point, you can either start over, talk to a trusted friend, or let it rest. Any of those options is perfectly ok. It can take more than once through this process to clear out enough of the built up junk in your brain – the clutter of to-dos, “news”, work and family obligations, and other detritus- for the good stuff to have room to come to the top.
So, here is my action plan, folks. Many, many deep bows and sincere thanks for letting me get that out there into the Ethers. Lots of thank-you hugs and Reiki blessings for following along on my journey.