Unfiltered Thoughts on Creating the Business You Want

Hi, Everybody. Not long ago, I announced that I was re-launching my business under a new name. But, I have a confession to make: I have absolutely no idea what I am doing when it comes to creating a business.

I have made a couple of attempts. I have read mountains of literature, joined Facebook groups dedicated to Spiritual Entrepreneurs, talked endlessly with my husband and a few select friends about my doubts and misgivings, my hopes, and my ultimate dreams. Written pages and pages about what my ideal work day looks like. Visualized until I fall asleep in a stupor of delight at the images in my head. What I have not been able to do is get clients consistently.  (Should I even be wanting to “get clients”? If you read enough in those Spiritual Entrepreneur groups, you won’t think so. It’s almost as if getting clients is somehow nefarious and beside the point. It’s really difficult to have the time to help people, though, if you also have to work a 40 hour week and the boss gets to control your hours. What I want is to put out as much helpful material as possible and also be able to help one-on-one those women who need something more personal. It’s what I love and what I am good at. It’s what I have spent most of life learning to do.)

Perhaps this is my year. I like to think so. I have been steadily more and more successful at attracting what I want in almost every other aspect of my life, or else I have accepted that I need to leave it alone for now.  Not so with my work life. I feel the perpetual tug toward something beyond my 8-5, working-for-someone-else life. And I feel as though my dream is right around the corner, just waiting for me to notice it.

So, what’s the dream?

 

Ah, now that’s a good question! Here it is: I dream of lighting the way to joy for women who long for a deeper connection to themselves, their loved ones, and Source. I dream of doing that by teaching them everything I know, giving them every tool I have learned to use in my 25 years of reading, studying, practicing, and living.  I long to help them see themselves as beautiful, capable, brilliant, inherently loveable and worthy.  I long to see every woman relax into her own true self and strip away every single thing that does not serve her highest good. 

The other part of the dream is how I do that, which is the same way I stripped off my own depression and reclaim every day my own sense of loveability and worthiness: through finding and using the tools that are most helpful. For me, those are Reiki, working with the chakra system, meditation, journaling, using crystals, working with my Guides, my Higher Self, and other high vibrational Beings, and through talking with like-minded friends and teachers. I believe those same things can help everyone. I believe I can teach anyone to use them.

Where I get lost and bogged down into utter paralysis is the HOW. What do I do first? Am I just making too big a deal out of the How? Gardening is teaching me to start where I am.  Cut down the dead black-eyed susans next to the front door because driving up to my lovely home and seeing their blackened stalks every day makes me sad. So, clip, clip. Harvest tomatoes because they will rot if I don’t. Yummy salsa and tomato topping on beans and rice. Pull out the monster tomato plant because it is shading out my peppers. Out it comes.  My current dilemma stems from figuring out how to translate that to my work. Start where I am….Hence, this long and winding blog post, baring my heart and mind to the wide and wise world (wise was actually what came out when I tried to type wide… message there, I suspect.).

You might also ask what makes me so damn qualified to teach anyone anything? Yep, I have asked myself that one. But I have a great answer: What I teach has worked for me; it has worked for my husband; it has worked for friends; it is working still for all of us. And there is more that I know that you don’t yet know: the first time I tried to kill myself, I was 5 years old. in the kitchen, with a big bread knife that had a little hook on the end. That feeling never went away until 2014, when I was 40 years old. When it did, it was because I finally started actively using what I had spent over 20 years learning about. I started doing the work. And, in 3 years, I went from suicidal to full of joy, actively creating a life I want to LIVE, not die to get away from.

Even in my 8-5 day job, I have brought into my life a position where my co-workers are friends and connection with them feeds my soul in ways I never expected. But the work….the work is not what I am meant to be doing.  And we’ve circled back around to the current issue.

So, what to do? I know what I would recommend to a client.
1. Get Quiet: pull the plug on technological distractions like Facebook, email, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Disconnect from others so you can more clearly hear yourself.

2. Go Within: whatever your favorite form of meditation is, do that. Do it for as long as you can. Get your mind clear. And to that end…

3. Write: get out a notebook. Write at least 3 pages longhand with an actual pen whatever comes into your mind. DO NOT CENSOR! Write as fast as you can, not stopping until all 3 pages have been filled. Stream-of-consciousness writing pulls out all sorts of things you never knew were in your head.

4. If some kind of clarity is still not coming through by this point, you can either start over, talk to a trusted friend, or let it rest. Any of those options is perfectly ok. It can take more than once through this process to clear out enough of the built up junk in your brain – the clutter of to-dos, “news”, work and family obligations, and other detritus- for the good stuff to have room to come to the top.

So, here is my action plan, folks. Many, many deep bows and sincere thanks for letting me get that out there into the Ethers.  Lots of thank-you hugs and Reiki blessings for following along on my journey.

 

 

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Updates and Kari Samuels’ July Forecast

Good morning, everyone!
I wanted to take a moment and let you all know I haven’t forgotten about you; I have just been busy moving into the beautiful new home so many of you helped make a reality for us. I am working on a post about the whole experience, including the emotional, spiritual, and physical aspects, complete with photos.

Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy the beautiful and knowledgeable Kari Samuels’ July numerological and astrological forecast.

Happy Summer!

Planting Paradise

Sharing this beautiful post from my friend, Laura. Thanks in large part to her and her awesome husband, as well as several other friends, Jason and I will be making this place our home at the end of this month!
To say that this place is a dream come true for us just doesn’t do justice to our journey. I will write more about that once we get settled in to the new place, but for now, I leave you with Laura’s gorgeous photos.

Laura Bruno's Blog

The first summer we lived here — 2013 — this median facing an ugly view required a date with two batteries worth of weed whackers at least three times per week. We’re talking fast growing, out of control weeds on a strip of land with giant holes and rock hard, uneven soil, and an often flooded driveway. It crushed my soul to see this median as we approached our house.

I can barely believe the difference four years makes! This same strip is now a rain garden, bird and butterfly paradise, with serviceberry trees, Robinhood roses, sunflowers, lilies, milkweed, bachelor’s buttons, love in a mist, cosmos, and more. The fragrance alone is worth the trip. Last year, those roses bloomed from late May through the end of November with barely any care. Birds ate the hips this winter and spring.

Don’t ever doubt that you can change the world, one…

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Unfiltered Thoughts on Creating Your Reality

Creating your own reality does not mean that you decide what you want, imagine every detail, wave your magic wand, and BANG! You wake up to the world you created, whole and complete.

At least it doesn’t mean that for me. And I suspect it doesn’t mean that for a lot…dare I say, most….people.

Instead, creating your own reality really happens in the small choices you make every day, moment to moment, about what you will and won’t believe, what you will and won’t give your attention and focus to, what you will and won’t allow into your life.

A shift happened inside me at some point in the last two years. I decided to just believe whatever I want to. A big, ole F you to anyone who thought I was nuts, stupid, gullible, or childish. I had long been drawn to “magickal” things and ideas…energy manipulation, manifestation, moving sideways along alternate realities, faeries, tree beings, and on and on. I was afraid to surrender to what I feared some would view as a child-like indulgence of imagination, especially since I was heavily invested in being the smart, studious girl I had earned a reputation for being. Smart girls and faeries did not go together in my world. But, little by little, I began to see that I could re-write the story of myself. I wasn’t stuck being the character I had created for myself. Just like a figure in a story, I could erase parts and change them. So, that’s what I have been doing.

It all really started with learning to accept certain things about myself, and peel away things that I had taken on, but that no longer suited me. For example, I have always loved knowing how things work. It’s a near-biological need to understand why this happens when I pull, push, twist, or throw that. That part of me has helped me begin to understand how to get what I want, how to manipulate the laws that govern our physical plane to move myself in the direction I want to go. For me, it is truly no different from understanding why my car goes when I push on the gas pedal (although some things are more important for me to retain than others…lol) Accepting my need to understand meant that I could strip away my feelings of nosiness, guilt, even shame, for probing into things that some considered none of my business, or that led me to information that was not always backed up by scientific research.  I do dearly love research, but I found that only accepting things that had a scientific backing no longer served me. So I let it go.

The work of accepting myself and stripping away things that are not myself led to moments of being allowed to glimpse the Mystery. I had what I have since called a Waterfall moment, when it felt like my head opened up and pure loving energy flowed in. The experience last for about 15 minutes, and it changed me. I started to see things out of the corner of my eye. I found Reiki and my friend Laura, who has mentored me and loved me as friend, sister, and child for lifetimes. I began to hear music in the still dark. I began to notice things about others that were different from my memory of them.  I began to find that if I sent loving energy to someone who was being rude or mean to me, they often came back either entirely changed or changed toward me. And I began to believe my eyes and ears and intuition.

In each moment that I see, hear, or sense something that is outside the norm, I find that I have a split-second decision to make: do I trust this or do I not trust this. Do I accept this as real or do I not accept this as real. It comes down to an almost subconscious choice to trust myself and the Universe.  But I can make that choice because I did all the other work, all the small, slow steps leading up to this. The Veil is parting wider for me because I chose each time the opportunity presented itself to look to the other side and not turn my back. When I heard the voice and felt the waves of energy from my Tree friends, I opened my heart and hugged them with my arms, even though I felt silly the first few times and wondered if I was losing my mind. I did not turn my back on Them and pretend I didn’t hear. And the first time I felt that an animal had a message for me, I accepted it for truth and went about trying to figure out what the message was. And when I saw a flit of iridescent wings and an echo of giggles, I stood in wonder and thanks for the gift of having seen my first faery since childhood. For every new Mystery glimpsed, I offer thanks, and I refuse to turn my back any more. This is how I create my reality. This is how you will create your reality, too.

Acknowledge what you want. Devote your attention to looking for the things you want. Be aware of what is reality for others, for it could impact you, too, especially in the beginning, but do not allow yourself to be drawn into their version of what is true. It’s like being aware that there are other tv channels playing other things, but since you don’t want to watch those other channels, they cease to mean anything significant to you.

You will find whatever you look for. I promise.

Goodbye to the Old Me

After yesterday’s post and the outpouring of love and support sent my way since I posted it, I have felt a profound shift inside myself. This song came into my head as I was thinking back over the last two years, and especially the last week. So, I wanted to take a moment and honor the woman I have been, the woman who carried my deepest soul so carefully to this new place.

Healing my Memories of Home

old brown trailer

Old trailer like many of those I lived in as a child

I bet many of you lived in a place like this, and you will be able to relate to what I am about to say. My family lived in several places like this; some in trailer parks, some not. But they all shared a smell, especially in the South: cockroach spray. All the places we lived in reeked of the stuff. I can still smell it in my mind. By the time we lived in them in the mid-80s, these places had seen way better days. They often had soft floors around places where water might accumulate, like the toilet, the shower, and the kitchen and bathroom sinks.  In one trailer, we had to be careful not to stand too close to the front of the shower because the floor under it was so weak, a 90 pound 11-year-old might go crashing, naked, through the floor on to the ground below.  In another place we lived, that actually did happen to my mother, and she had the scars on her right calf to prove it until the day she died.

We didn’t always live in trailers. A few times, we lived in apartments, but those proved to be no better. Another place we lived, an upstairs apartment, had one bedroom that was completely unusable because the previous tenant had had dogs who were kept enclosed in it and there was so much calcified dog poop on the floor that you couldn’t walk anywhere in the room without stepping on it. I got the thankless job of ripping it up out of the bright blue carpet and scrubbing the spots with a bucket of hot, soapy water. It never was a room we could use for anything but storage.

In that same apartment, we could not afford to have the hot water turned on. Bath water was heated on the stove in a large roasting pan and poured into the bathtub. I washed my waist-length hair in icy water from the tap in the kitchen.

Why am I telling you this? So you will understand the week I have had.

My husband and I have gradually improved on my experience of home, but I have never felt that I left it entirely behind.  In all the spiritual work I have done, particularly in the last two years, I have moved leaps and bounds beyond the idea that I somehow deserved to be hidden away in unhealthy, ugly places, but my belief has still been put to the test this week.

The home of a very dear friend is coming open for rent in just over a month, and I have loved it from the moment I stepped inside it. There is a magnificent garden attached that she has lovingly, painstakingly restored from a desolate, weed-choked wasteland to an oasis of peace and beauty. I long with everything inside me to take up Guardianship of this place that feels sacred to me. But, I have struggled with finding enough faith in myself  – and in the Universe- to seize the opportunity in front of me.

As I went back and forth this week, breaking myself down and remaking myself into a true believer in my own worthiness, all my old memories of home resurfaced, and I have faced them with as much bravery as I could muster.

I wanted to share these thoughts of home with you today because it feels important to me to acknowledge my struggle, for maybe you have struggled with similar growth along your journey, or are struggling now. We can be the support we need for each other.

As I work my way through this period of intense growth, I also feel within me a rising of something I cannot even name yet. I think it may be an entirely new version of myself. I see her as more fully embodied, able to bring the visions in her head down into the Earth to be made manifest in this 3D realm. I see a woman who feels at home in a place that has firm floors, hot water, sacred spaces, and healthy boundaries.  I see a woman coming fully into her power.

The part of me that is already the woman I see in my mind’s eye believes that I will be living in this beautiful place that feels like home by the middle of July. The part of me that is still hiding, seeking a place that is clean and bright and whole, is terrified that things won’t come together in time, and I will be forever trapped in places like the ones I grew up in.  I hold that child-me in my arms and rock her, whispering that she is safe, she is safe, she is safe.

And as I do, her tears dry, her smile blossoms, and she gets up and runs outside to play in the garden of her dreams.

 

 

Joyfullness

It’s feeling like a joyful day! In that spirit, I’d like to share some photos from my Pinterest board, Joyfulness. These are images that make me feel light, uplifted, and filled with a sense of wonder. You can find the entire board here.

yellow-ranunculus

This is a ranunculus, or Persian Buttercup.  Ranunculus (ranunculi??) are one of my favorite kinds of flowers for their delicate, feathery leaves and sweet, layered buds. And they come in some of the loveliest colors in Nature.

 

 

group-of-dandelions

I love to see the first bursts of bright yellow dandelions in the spring. They are the first sign of color and cheer after what are often very dark and grey winter days here in northern Indiana. Dandelions get a bad rap, but they are so useful! I love dandelion root tea because it tastes good, but it also helps improve liver function. Here is some more about the health benefits of dandelions.

 

 

quiet-reverie

Just look at this one for a moment and breathe in that smell….  Now, sit down in that log, soak in the sun, and examine those delicate little flowers. Find a piece of moss and let your imagination out for a run.

 

moss-706391_1920

Speaking of moss, tell me you don’t want to sit down there and pet that stuff 🙂 Mosses are interesting plants. If you haven’t read Elizabeth Gilbert’s The Signature of All Things, I encourage you to do so. It is a novel about the daughter of a wealthy 19th century businessman who makes a lifelong study of mosses.  For a little non-fiction information, this site has a nice little overview.

 

fibonacci-fern

This little fern frond was the inspiration for my choice of Unfurled as one of my first core desired feelings, a concept introduced by Danielle LaPorte in her book, The Desire Map, which has been deeply influential in the last two years of my life.

 

I leave you on this Monday with the delicate and luscious (another core desired feeling) peony.

Have a joyful week!

Unfiltered Thoughts on Recent Events

I don’t watch the news, if I can help it. I like to know what the weather holds each day, and in finding out, I accidentally ingest news items. More frequently, I spot pieces in my Facebook feed, and wanting to be an informed opinion-former, I read about them. Since I am feeling a bit sassy, angry, and fed-up today, I’d like to vent a little bit here. I hope you will indulge me, but please feel free to exit now, if you wish. The Librarian is letting her hair down.

First of all: Donald Trump. What. The. Actual. Fuck. Is nobody paying attention these days? Yeah, and Hilary? Not a better choice! We know what The Donald thinks and feels about women, minorities, and religious groups who are not Christian. But Hilary managed to keep her shit under much better wrap. She has consistently covered up, bought off, and scared into silence women and girls who her husband has raped and abused. Nobody was bringing that up! And also, good ol’ Bill (of whom I used to be a fan) was flying on this private jet with other Hollywood and political types…you know what the jet was carrying, besides lots of booze and drugs? Little girls. SO not cool. You can’t tell me she didn’t know. She seems like the kind of woman (and we know she is, from various pieces of anecdotal evidence) who would be keeping tabs on her man just to control the damage. We all know Trump is the larger-than-life embodiment of all the bad things about Masculine energy run amok, but Hilary is the Anti-Feminine, what I have recently seen referred to as the Dark Feminine. Yeah, we have a great system for choosing governance in this country. I am not in any way a political person, and I tend to keep my mouth shut about such things because there are currents, counter-currents, undertows, and deep sea creatures I know nothing about that swim around down there. But, really… wtf?

 

Secondly: Standing Rock. Again, I can only shake my head in disbelief. The American government has treated the Native Americans absolutely abysmally. We killed millions of them (a genocide you hear almost nothing about), took their traditional lands, dug up their dead or built on top of them, called them a separate nation, oh, except when we want to do something that would not be tolerated by any other nation on earth, then you guys are part of our government and we have the right to trample your rights, imprison you, et cetera, et cetera. Oh, but, yeah, we are not going to help you feed yourselves after we forced you onto the worst land in the country, where you can’t actually grow anything and which is poisoned by our corporate greed just up river. And when you stand up to us and demand clean water? We will shut you down…or try to. White folks should have remembered about Native American stoicism…. they refused to be enslaved, hence the slaughter, in many cases. (In some cases, those early folks just didn’t give a shit and went in there on any pretense, killing men, women, and children just ’cause.)  Since when is clean water not a right? (I’m looking at you, Nestle, you fucks) Doesn’t the Constitution say “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness?” You know we gotta have clean water for the whole “Life” part, right?

Thirdly: If you are aware at all of the talk in spiritual circles about how everything is polarizing, you can see that truth reflected in just about everything that happens. People who used to be just sort of angry and bitter all the time are now ramping that up to unbelievable heights, while people who tend toward the peaceful, tolerant side of things are also pushing that to new levels. Can we just think for a moment about how terrifying that is? Do you remember the pictures or videos of cell division from school? You know, where the cell copies itself, a copy goes to each end of the cell, and then it stretches and stretches until it pulls apart and becomes two cells? Have you ever wondered what it might feel like to be inside that cell when that happened? (I know I am a nerd; so what?) Well, we are getting that chance right now.  The pressure of continuing to live your life while also being aware that -almost literally- the forces of good and evil are dividing up and forming ranks, making battle plans, doing recon and all that shit… um, yeah. Scare-eee. But, and I say this in all sincerity, we must be some of the most awesome, kick-ass people ever to have chosen to incarnate at this time, in the places we are, right?! See, I believe we all are aware, between incarnations, of the major events that will unfold in the world around us in our lifetimes, and we choose to come here. Because we can help. Because we are tough. Because we are fucking geniuses at grounding down the Universal energy we need in order to fight this fight and re-establish balance. Because we have done this before and we will do it again and again and again. If you look at just the right angle, you can see our wings, shimmering, dusty, unfurled and ready to carry us into the fray or support as we stand strong and immovable in the face of what seeks to overrun us.

Well, if you have stayed with me thus far, thank you for hearing out and holding space for my rant. If you didn’t, you won’t read this, but thank you for knowing yourself enough to know this wasn’t for you.  And to all those on the side of Light, I honor you, my compatriots. And to those on the side of Dark, I honor you, too, and your place in the gorgeous tapestry.